I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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