I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
