The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
