My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
