Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
