he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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