I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
