a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The uberlube is also flammable
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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