First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
