You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I would fuck him just for his dog
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
