I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
