My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
