Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
