Soap is not a condiment
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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