hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When are your genitals available?
Terrible idea I love it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize