Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
