I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
