my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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