So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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