her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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