Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
