About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
