dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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