the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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