he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
