i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i drank out of a bidet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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