Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
