Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
