how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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