a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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