Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize