my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
