you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
