and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
