I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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