I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
