I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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