Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
