We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
