Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How naked do you want me to be?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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