the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
