Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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