The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
