i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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