Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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