I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
