I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
