final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
