Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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