Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
