I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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