I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
