Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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