I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
