I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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