Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
COCAINE IS GR8
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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