I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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