Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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