I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
