There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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