Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
