WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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