last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
