OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
