In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
