I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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