I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
