Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
