so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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