So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
