i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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