I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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