so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
